What new dads don't expect

"I never expected to be flooded with so many emotions".
"I feel intensely protective and utterly fearful".
"I feel helpless and useless sometimes".
"I have this constant worry that something bad is going to happen".
"I felt traumatised seeing my partner go through labour, but I knew I had to be strong for her".
"Work seems kind of meaningless right now, but I feel a pressure to perform because my family is depending on me".
"I don't know who I am anymore".
"What's happened to my wife?"
"I feel exhausted all the time".

These are just some of the thoughts and feelings men have shared in the therapy rooms of the Antenatal & Postnatal Psychology Network.

Depression, anxiety and stress is common in new fathers, but the focus is often on new mums. As a result, many dads feel that their struggles are less important, unjustified, or best dealt with on their own. Sadly, some men fear that seeking help is a sign of weakness.

The reality is that new parenthood is a major developmental transition, much like adolescence or early adulthood. It brings profound change, uncertainty, new learning, and a need for re-definition of the self and one's relationship. Feeling challenged during this transition is not a sign that something is wrong; it's par for the course. 

For many men, fatherhood also shines a light on their own childhood experiences. New parenthood can force us to reflect on how we were raised, what we want to carry forward and what we hope to do differently. This can be confronting, particularly when a man's own upbringing was difficult, traumatic or very different from that of his partner.

Some men feel paralysed by the fear of repeating patterns from their own childhood, while having little idea of how to parent differently. This is especially common as children move into the toddler years. Parenting support and guidance can make an enormous difference, helping fathers build confidence and develop practical, effective ways of responding to their children.

Some men struggle because their partners become unwell in pregnancy or the postnatal period with depression, anxiety, stress or in rare cases, psychosis. We often see fathers who have 'held the fort' while supporting their partner and caring for their baby. Once the immediate crisis has passed, they can find themselves emotionally depleted, overwhelmed, and struggling under the weight of responsibilities they never anticipated.

Seeking support from a mental health professional is not a sign of weakness. It is about equipping dads with the resources, skills and support needed to navigate one of life's most important roles.

This video "Talking is medicine" with Prince William, Harry and Catherine, Princess of Wales, highlights the importance of talking about our challenges.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=45RqUmxDXiY

If you are struggling as a new dad, you can contact the phone counsellors at PANDA on 1300 726 306, see your GP, or seek the help of a psychologist. You may have a work Employee Assistance Program (EAP) that you could access.

Centre of Perinatal Excellence (COPE) offers free emails to new fathers, tailored to the stage of fatherhood they are experiencing. These emails provide trustworthy information, practical strategies and supportive guidance. Dads can sign up for their emails here.

DadSpace offers new dads mental health, emotional and practical resources here.

SMSforDads offers direct text messages to new dads with information and tips about early parenting here.

DadsGroup connects fathers through local community groups and peer support here.

Further information on fathers' mental health can be found at the International Fathers Mental Health Day website here.

Finally stay informed about evidence-based parenting approaches that support you through the challenges of parenthood, particularly through the toddler years. Follow our psychologists' tips and Parent Insight series on instagram www.instagram.com/appn.au

Written by Dr Renée Miller
Principal Clinical Psychologist
Antenatal & Postnatal Psychology Network