Antenatal & Postnatal Psychology Network
  • HOME
  • COUNSELLING FOR...
    • Conception & fertility
    • Pregnancy
    • Pregnancy decision making
    • Childbirth
    • Postnatal period
    • Parenting & child
    • Difficult diagnoses
    • Miscarriage & loss
    • Gender disappointment
    • Grandparents
  • PSYCHOLOGISTS
    • Dr Renée Miller Principal
    • Dr Megan Andrew
    • Brooke Andrews
    • Vickey Annakis
    • Tonia Bainbridge
    • Dr Carolina Barbosa
    • Dr Rachel Baskin
    • Dr Karola Belton
    • Dr Kate Caldwell
    • Dr Delwyn Carpenter
    • Anna Costello
    • Emily D'Amour
    • Dr Shikkiah de Quadros-Wander
    • Hettie Dubow
    • Dr Angela Gent
    • Dr Michelle Kornblum
    • Melissa Lagozzino
    • Megan Mellington
    • Dr Melanie Quinn
    • Dr Gwyn Rees
    • Yolanda Romeo
    • Jessica Saville
    • Kanthi Sayers
    • Dr Tania Slaviero
    • Gillian Snow
    • Sue Titcumb
    • Bianca Whiteman
    • Dr Alison Wilby
  • REFERRALS
    • For clients
    • For referrers >
      • Screening patients
      • Order brochures
      • Download practitioner list
      • Mental health information
      • Register for MHPN
  • CONTACT
    • Melbourne >
      • Albert Park
      • Ascot Vale
      • Blackburn North
      • Boronia
      • Box Hill
      • Brunswick
      • Bulleen
      • Carlton North
      • Caulfield North
      • East Melbourne
      • Essendon
      • Hampton
      • Ivanhoe
      • Kew
      • Malvern
      • Newport
      • Niddrie/Essendon
      • Seddon
      • Thornbury
      • Werribee
    • Mornington Peninsula >
      • Mornington
    • Regional Victoria >
      • Ballarat
  • RESOURCES
    • COVID-19
    • Resources
    • Videos
    • Information posts
    • Pregnancy Pearls
    • Parenting Pearls
    • Parenting Tips
    • TED Talks we love
  • SUPPORT SERVICES
    • Community support services
    • Child Psychology
  • TRAINING
    • For professionals >
      • Perinatal loss ONLINE
    • For parents
  • RESEARCH
    • For researchers
    • Research studies

information posts

Are you striving to be a perfect mum?

14/11/2015

 
Picture
Perfection is like infinity. There is no end. We can keep striving to be better, yet perfection still eludes us. Time and time again, I see new mums who with the best of intentions for their babies and families, are striving to be ‘perfect’ mothers – to parent in the ‘perfect’ way. The reason they come for counselling is often - in part - because this bottomless pit of striving sets them up to fail, and this perceived failure feels intolerable. It can be worth exploring the lifetime of layers that sit beneath the surface of this striving.


Striving for perfection can seriously limit our capacity to enjoy life. Perfection-striving is often associated with 'all or nothing' or 'black and white' thinking. For example, the mum who won’t go to mother’s group if she is going to be late, misses out on the building of relationships with other mums (who are often late themselves). The mum who won’t exercise if she can’t exercise three times per week, misses out on the benefits of some exercise and a little time-out. The mum who won’t invite people over unless she gets the time to make the house look immaculate, misses out on the fun and spontaneity of having other new mums and babies around for her own and her baby’s social well-being. The mum who won’t let her partner settle the baby because he/she won’t do it like she does, misses out on her partner’s support and her partner's growing bond with the baby.

The bottom line is that there is no one way, and there is no right way. When your hard and fast rules about how things should be, get in the way of the things that give your life meaning (i.e. the things that you really value) ask yourself if there is a middle ground?

The middle ground is a place where we strive for being ‘good-enough’ mothers. Perfectionists usually see this term “good enough” as meaning mediocre. However, ‘good-enough’ means good enough. For example, getting to mothers group late is better than not going at all. It can be a good laugh and a supportive environment. Exercising whenever possible (despite wishing to achieve three exercise sessions per week) is better than nothing, and is likely to become easier to achieve over time. Inviting friends over, even if the house is untidy, shows them that you are human after all (very comforting for most people), and demonstrates that you value friendships more than your domestic high standards. Letting your partner settle the baby even if he/she does it differently to you, knowing that this is their chance to discover what works, and to establish a good bond.
The middle ground is a much kinder place – a place of acceptance, and openness to experience. Try it. You’ll see. You might even find that not only can you be a 'good-enough' mum, you can be a great mum!

Written by Dr Renée Miller (Clinical Psychologist)
​Antenatal & Postnatal Psychology Network

Comments are closed.

    Author

    Posted by Dr Renée Miller 
    ​Principal Clinical Psychologist

    Archives

    May 2022
    March 2022
    January 2022
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    January 2020
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    February 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    September 2016
    July 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    November 2015
    September 2015
    May 2015
    March 2015

    Categories

    All
    About-appn
    About Therapy
    COVID 19
    Fatherhood
    Fertility
    Gender Disappointment
    Grandparents
    LGBTIQA+
    Loss
    Motherhood
    New Clinic Locations
    Parenting
    Pregnancy
    Research
    Resources
    Sleep

    RSS Feed


Social Media Guidelines
Website Terms & Conditions 
Research Disclaimer
Picture


© Antenatal & Postnatal
Psychology Network 2022

Portrait photos by
​Rebecca bana photography
​SEO by Cloe Blanchet

  

We acknowledge and pay respects to the Elders and Traditional Owners of the land on which our psychologists practice.
  • HOME
  • COUNSELLING FOR...
    • Conception & fertility
    • Pregnancy
    • Pregnancy decision making
    • Childbirth
    • Postnatal period
    • Parenting & child
    • Difficult diagnoses
    • Miscarriage & loss
    • Gender disappointment
    • Grandparents
  • PSYCHOLOGISTS
    • Dr Renée Miller Principal
    • Dr Megan Andrew
    • Brooke Andrews
    • Vickey Annakis
    • Tonia Bainbridge
    • Dr Carolina Barbosa
    • Dr Rachel Baskin
    • Dr Karola Belton
    • Dr Kate Caldwell
    • Dr Delwyn Carpenter
    • Anna Costello
    • Emily D'Amour
    • Dr Shikkiah de Quadros-Wander
    • Hettie Dubow
    • Dr Angela Gent
    • Dr Michelle Kornblum
    • Melissa Lagozzino
    • Megan Mellington
    • Dr Melanie Quinn
    • Dr Gwyn Rees
    • Yolanda Romeo
    • Jessica Saville
    • Kanthi Sayers
    • Dr Tania Slaviero
    • Gillian Snow
    • Sue Titcumb
    • Bianca Whiteman
    • Dr Alison Wilby
  • REFERRALS
    • For clients
    • For referrers >
      • Screening patients
      • Order brochures
      • Download practitioner list
      • Mental health information
      • Register for MHPN
  • CONTACT
    • Melbourne >
      • Albert Park
      • Ascot Vale
      • Blackburn North
      • Boronia
      • Box Hill
      • Brunswick
      • Bulleen
      • Carlton North
      • Caulfield North
      • East Melbourne
      • Essendon
      • Hampton
      • Ivanhoe
      • Kew
      • Malvern
      • Newport
      • Niddrie/Essendon
      • Seddon
      • Thornbury
      • Werribee
    • Mornington Peninsula >
      • Mornington
    • Regional Victoria >
      • Ballarat
  • RESOURCES
    • COVID-19
    • Resources
    • Videos
    • Information posts
    • Pregnancy Pearls
    • Parenting Pearls
    • Parenting Tips
    • TED Talks we love
  • SUPPORT SERVICES
    • Community support services
    • Child Psychology
  • TRAINING
    • For professionals >
      • Perinatal loss ONLINE
    • For parents
  • RESEARCH
    • For researchers
    • Research studies